Thursday, January 8, 1970

Under my nose all the time!

May 1965

While wondering about a physical experiment to make sense of my new head versus heart fascination with Flying Saucers, I was not conscious enough in those days to realize that my dreams were ALREADY presenting me with the simple, direct and self-evident information I was searching for. In any case, I was unable to recognize or make intelligent use of them even though I had begun consciously to recall my dreams only days before meeting Professor J.B.Rhine the previous November (1964). Here are two super important dreams that, from today's perspective (June 2009), would have allowed me to make entirely different decisions.

First dream: May Day! May Day!

San Diego
1 May 65 0700

Am in my room. It stinks. Am about to have an affair with another woman who has sought me out and has my wife’s permission. As things begin, the voice of Harold B. Lee suddenly begins to blare forth as if from a loud speaker on the wall of my room. He speaks with unequivocal anger. His voice is terrible in its power. The walls shake, the room rocks, rumbling is heard. Plaster falls from the ceiling. Pictures fall from the walls. I wonder if I am dreaming this. But President (?) Lee’s voice is so clear that I listen carefully to his words and decide I am not dreaming. That is when things in the dream begin to shake violently. I awaken, but cannot remember his exact words, except that he was talking about how the [Mormon] Church is run.

For those familiar with the Mormon experience, this dream contains images very much connected to the still controvertial Mormon doctrine of early official church polygamous practices. It also alerted me to the attitudes and behavior of a key Mormon official, Harold B. Lee, who seven years later would become Church President (as depicted in the dream). More important for me personally, almost six months later I would encounter this man directly in his Salt Lake church office in the real world, who expressed the same attitude and behavior as the figure in this dream. Without my consciously realizing it at the time, the dream anticipated and prepared me for this eventual confrontation with future church president Lee. I was able to stand my ground in the face of his unbridled disapproval.

Note: It is not insignificant that for many years before his excommunication, Howard was a close confidant of Lee, who had been grooming Howard to become a general church authority. [Reference: C. Jess Groesbeck, M.D.]

The second dream Round Table Fury! was more immediate.

San Diego
11 May 65 0630

With Mother and Dad at small round dinner table, conversing. I begin to talk about a subject of interest to me to which Dad comments with evident interest to him. As I begin, however, Mother interrupts with a comment that makes me furious. I am so furious, in fact, that I no longer want to discuss anything and all at the the table and become silent. I am glowering at her as I awake.

This was the beginning awareness of a deep seated, still unconscious anger at my mother, which lurked within me as a kind of emotional time bomb. My late father had died the year before at which time [May 14, 1964] I felt my spiritual work with him had just begun. At the time of the dream Howard had become a father figure to me in a most powerful way and I had naively wondered if there was a match to be made between my recently widowed mother and my now interested and exciting bachelor (albeit gay!) friend Howard. Note that the issue in the dream is my inner mother's interruption of my inner father's first-time personal interest in me. I was unequipped to deal with this unconscious anger, but soon began to become aware of how significant this unacknowledged emotion was after disclosing this dream to Mother in the real world.

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