Monday, November 13, 2006

May Day! May Day!

Event: Dream Yoga of old (1 May 1965) dream

Note: This is from my original blog created initially in March 2005 as a venting for an unresolved conflict with a local Mormon Church leader. Its purpose has gradually expanded into a journal of events and for inner work, which includes memories, dreams and reflections. It also includes an invitation to others for comments.

Monday, November 13, 2006
Dream Yoga: May Day! May Day!
Date of interview: 9-12 November 2006

What are three fundamental life issues that you are dealing with now in your life?

1. Being authentic
2. Finding others who are or wish to become authentic
3. Helping others who wish to become authentic

Tell me a dream you remember...

May Day! May Day!
San Diego
1 May 65

Am in my room. It stinks. Am about to have an affair with a woman who has sought me out with my wife’s permission. As things begin, the voice of Harold B. Lee suddenly begins to blare forth as if from a loud speaker on the wall of my room. He speaks with unequivocal anger. His voice is terrible in its power. The walls shake, the room rocks, rumbling is heard. Plaster falls from the ceiling. Pictures fall from the walls. I wonder if I am dreaming this. But President (?) Lee’s voice is so clear and I listen carefully to his words that I decide that I am not dreaming. That is when things begin to shake and sound. I awaken. Cannot remember his words. Can only fleetingly remember that he was talking about how the Church is guided.

Why do you think that you had this dream?

From today’s perspective, this seems to be a continued inner refocusing on the Mormon Church. [See Dream Yoga: Beautiful Woman with Bad Reputation].

At the time of this dream I had walked away from the psy-war defense project (PWDP) with Duke University professor J.B. Rhine after having been unsuccessful in getting Mormon Church support. After the difficulty with the Church began over the PWDP, I became involved in a renewed correspondence with an old Mormon mentor, Howard E. Salisbury, who had been a close personal friend and confidant of Harold B. Lee. I learned from the man who had originally introduced us, that Salisbury had recently been excommunicated for “perversion”. This surprised me, since the last I knew, Salisbury was still Chairman of the Fine Arts Department at Ricks College where he enjoyed a reputation for helping talented students develop their abilities.

Recently [early 2006], I learned from Salisbury's close friend and physician that Lee had been grooming Salisbury to become a general authority in 1959 when Salisbury and I were first introduced. The 1965 problem turned out to be that Salisbury had been excommunicated two years earlier (1963) after confessing his struggle over being gay to Hugh B. Brown of the LDS Church First Presidency. Salisbury had gone to see Brown because they had been close personal friends in the aftermath of WWII, when Brown was despondent because of the war and Salisbury had been of significant spiritual and emotional comfort to Brown.

In January 1965 I learned about Salisbury’s excommunication from the man who had introduced us in the summer of 1959 when we were students and friends at UC Berkeley. Salisbury was then at Ricks College and my friend, a graduate of Ricks where he knew Salisbury, wanted me to have the advantage of Salisbury’s wisdom and influence. I had just written my second poem, Night, which reflects my growing difficulty with the Church, my depression a year earlier and Salisbury’s current situation. The poem began as a letter to Salisbury, but quickly morphed into the poem to reflect Salisbury's responses.

The North is silent. 
Uneasy lull awaits 
As darkness gathers. 

Dry rot unseen in lofty places. 
Unshored structures hid by Blackness. 
Sand and stone appear as one. 

Who beckons travelers? 
Whose voice is clear? 
Why are the sounds unsure? 

Gusts disturb this tortured sleep. 
Words in flooded streams still rage! 
And desperation strips my soul 

Before abyss— 
Or hope. 

San Diego 
Apr 65 

If it were playing at a theater, what name would be on the marquee?

May Day! May Day!

These are the characters in the dream…

Myself, wife, other woman, stench, bedroom, bed, loud speaker, plaster on walls, hanging picture, angry voice of Harold B. Lee.

If one character had something especially important to tell you, which would it be?


Bedroom, would you please tell me what you look like and what you are doing?

I am a small, white plaster-walled bedroom with pictures on the walls, a bed on the floor and a loud speaker high up on the south wall. There is a stench in me. I am observing Eugene about to have sex on the bed with a woman who has sought him out with his wife Betty’s permission. He offers no resistance.

What do you like most about yourself in this experience? What are your strengths?

I am a safe, private place for Eugene to behave as he sees fit.

What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses? What?

I don’t like how I allow myself to be used. My walls are not well built—that is, they crack easily. Also, I’m rather plain and with little imagination.

If you could change this experience in any way you wanted, would you? If so, how would you change it?

I don’t know how I could change it. That guy blasting away out of the loud speaker sure wreaked havoc on me. I sort of came apart. It would be nice if he could tone down his diatribe.

If that experience were to continue, what would happen next?

Well, Eugene forgot all about that woman and decided he wasn’t dreaming. But then he woke up and I was gone. So, that’s what happened next: he woke up and began to wonder what was going on. He began to investigate, which is a good thing, even though it led him into trouble.

Bedroom, if you could be anywhere you wanted to be and take any form you desired, would you change? If so, how?

I told you I wasn’t imaginative. I was there for Eugene temporarily to move in directions that seemed essential for his development. I’ve no judgment on how he behaves or what he thinks and believes.

You are in Eugene’s dream, correct? He created you, right?

Well, duh! He created me to help him learn about issues he needed to clarify without outside interference.

Bedroom, what aspect of this person do you represent or most closely personify?

Oh, I think I represent his sense of privacy. He likes to take on all kinds of issues but doesn’t like outside interference. He’s a private person in a public sort of way, if you can comprehend such a contradictory statement.

How would you score yourself 0-10, in confidence, compassion, wisdom, acceptance, peace of mind, and witnessing?

Tens in everything except wisdom. Maybe an 8 or 9 there.

Bedroom, if you scored tens in all six of these qualities, would you be different? If so, how?

Yes, I think I would be a bit different. I’d be stronger, more pleasant and attractive.

How would Eugene’s life be different if he naturally scored high in all six of these qualities all the time?

He would be more discriminating of whom he let into his life, and he would know better how to respond to the behavior and beliefs of others, especially Mormon ecclesiastics.

If you could live Eugene’s waking life for him, how would you live it differently?

I wouldn’t. He needs to experience these contradictions and pressures first hand as he is doing.

If you could live Eugene’s waking life for him today, would you handle his three life issues differently? If so, how?

Not at all! I think those three life issues are right on! Blessed be those who understand and accept his intent.

What three life issues would you focus on if you were in charge of his life?

His are the ones!

In what life situations would it be most beneficial for Eugene to imagine that he is you and would act as you would?

What a dumb question to ask a bedroom!

Why do you think that you are in this life dream?

To give Eugene private space to face Mormon issues that he is unconsciously gripped by, such as the woman who seeks him out with his wife’s permission! That’s left over from polygamy days. Then there is the head’s up about Harold B. Lee and his anger. Eugene will encounter Lee's anger directly, face to face, in an interview a little over five months hence. He needs to be prepared. [Because of this dream he was indeed prepared when they met in Lee's Salt Lake City office in September 1965.]

Eugene, what have you heard yourself say?

That I’m wrestling with controversial Mormon issues that are still hot, namely: polygamy, same-sex attraction, the veracity of Joseph Smith and his revelations, the actual process of revelation, Mormon ecclesiastical power and the abuse of that power by its leaders. I will need experience and discernment to deal with them effectively as time and circumstances in world events unfold.

If this experience were a wake-up call from your soul, what do you think it would be saying to you?

Be really careful, Eugene. You have little idea what you are walking into. But keep walking and climbing. It’s your destiny. [See letter from Howard E. Salisbury, dated May 5, 1965.]

“Now I am going to read back to you the comments of your characters as things you are telling yourself.”

(Read them back...)

What can you do differently between now and our next visit to act on the recommendations of your inner wisdom?

Learn to control your anger, especially regarding ecclesiastical issues. Learn the difference between institutional ecclesiastical behavior, ideology, legal concepts (spirit vs letter) and practical behavior. Understand the system, but transcend it. I still need to dialogue with the angry voice of Harold B. Lee who claims to speak for God and how the Mormon Church is led.

posted by Eugene @ 10:36 AM   1 comments

At 9:18 PM, December 06, 2006, Anonymous Joseph Dillard said...
EK: Dream characters: Myself, first wife, another woman, stench, bedroom, bed, loud speaker, plaster on walls, hanging picture, angry voice of Harold B. Lee.

JD: Generally in Dream Yoga, characters are nouns, as it is easier to become and therefore interview "things" than it is to interview actions and feelings, such as "stench." You can always try, however, and come to your own conclusions!

EK:...So, that’s what happened next: he woke up and began to wonder what was going on. He began to investigate, and that is a good thing, even though it led him into trouble.

JD: OK, bedroom, but what if Eugene 1) hadn't waked up and the dream had continued. What would happen next? Or 2) what if Eugene had decided he wasn't dreaming and continued to have the experience as lucid, but as you saw fit. What would happen next?

EK: ...He likes to take on all kinds of issues but doesn’t like outside interference...

JD: Bedroom, what do you think of the idea that Eugene in this dream is allowing some inappropriate outer interference have too much influence over his private life??

EK: I’m wrestling with controversial Mormon issues that are still very hot...

JD: The Bedroom seems to be encouraging you to emphasize protecting your boundaries, to not let overpowering critical parental voices infringe into your private life.

EK...I still need to dialogue with the angry voice of Harold B. Lee who claims to speak for God and how the Mormon Church is led.

JD: The Bedroom is not angry and is not needing to understand Lee, but only be protected from the intrusion of that consciousness.  Are there times when it would be helpful to become the Bedroom?

EK: Not sure... 

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