Posted: July 2010
Updated: March 27, 2015
After the collapse of my Northwest-Soviet Liaison Corporation in June 1974, I felt lost and wondered what to do next. My energy was at a low ebb and I felt unable to function. As I reflected on this development, it occurred to me to put myself on inner trial in a way that I believed ought to have happened years earlier in the outer Mormon Church. There are 19 pages of manuscript divided into three sections beginning on July 27, 1974 and ending on June 14, 1988.
This trial or 'disciplinary council' is presented as I would have liked to have been treated by church authorities, rather than how it was actually done.
Section A was begun when I was the house guest of Michael R. Harris at his home in Hollywood, where the first three pages of six were written, the first two on July 27, 1974, and page 3 on Aug 7, 1974. I continued writing after moving into "The Blue Elevator" (a small one room bachelor pad on the side of a garage) in Toluca Lake in North Hollywood where I wrote page 4 on Apr 6 and pages 5 and 6 on Apr 8, 1975.
July 27, 1974
2155 Outpost Drive Los Angeles, CA 90068
INNER TRIAL OF EUGENE NICHOLAS KOVALENKO (AKA Eugene Nicholas Kregg) Participants:
JURY (INNER HIGH COUNCIL) (INC) (12 men)
WITNESSES (W1, W2, W3, etc.)
FRIENDS OF THE COURT (FOC1, FOC2, FOC3, etc.)
FRIENDS OF THE DEFENDANT (FOD1, FOD2, FOD3, etc.)
SPECIAL FRIEND (SPIM)
ENEMIES OF THE DEFENDENT (EOD)
OBSERVERS (O1, O2, O3, etc.)
SPIM: The purpose of this trial, may it please the court, is to judge the defendant at his own request.
He has made this request in order to be free. Free to function in the world. Free to fulfill his destiny -- whatever that is. Free to progress. Free to love. Free to serve. Free to contribute. Free to create or be creative. Free to relate. In short, free to BE.
At this point in time he finds himself not free to BE himself because of a number of unresolved issues. He finds himself accused on one hand by those who think him an impostor and unfit to move in directions he has claimed rights for.
These accusations may have substance and need to be examined. On the other hand he finds himself not free because of self-doubt and confusion about what is true and proper, both about himself and the world. He finds himself as a result without a supply of energy to function. Thus, he feels a trial will possibly resolve this issue: either to free him from self bondage or to show him where he has erred, such that he might pay his debt and earn his freedom. And he has agreed to abide by the judgment of this court.
EOD1: Does he have any choice but to abide? What if the court finds him guilty and unfit? And what if he doesn’t agree that the verdict is fair?
SPIM: The defendant is now in a prison place, without energy or resolve to function effectively. He requests the court to free him or show him how to be free. If the court fails in this or if the defendant disagrees, he will simply remain as he is: unable to function. The results of this court will speak their own truth: they will be freeing to the defendant if he is sincere and the court able to penetrate the truth. Otherwise there will be no positive results. If, on the other hand, the defendant is NOT sincere and is seeking to manipulate this court in any way, the effects will be to render the defendant even less able to function than now. He has nothing to gain from an attempt at self-deception.
EOD1: OK, OK! Let’s get on with it. I think he is a master at self-deception and is just wasting everybody’s time. I think he is trying to grandstand again, as he likes to do, to gain sympathy from new dupes to use. Look at him! I can read his thoughts! He even wants to submit this trial record for publication. God, God, God, I can’t stand him and his arrogance!
JUDGE: Order in this court! This is no place for irresponsible outbursts. The purpose of this trial is to get to the truth of the defendant. All present may have their say in full in due course.
August 27, 1974
2155 Outpost Drive Hollywood, CA 90068
JUDGE: Kindly place your left hand on the scriptures and raise your right hand in the sign of the square.
Do you swear by what is Holy and in the name of Jesus Christ that what you speak at this most solemn assembly is the truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God and His heavenly hosts?
ENK: To the best that I am capable, yes, I do.
JUDGE: Please state your name.
ENK: In this life I am now known as Eugene Nicholas Kovalenko. Formerly (before December 1961) I was known as Eugene Nicholas Kregg, which is the name I was born with.
JUDGE: Why did you qualify your swearing to tell the truth?
ENK: Your Honor, the purpose of this trial is, I hope, to help me know my own truth. It is because of my struggle to know my own truth and my awareness of having misunderstood or misperceived or misjudged in past years that I find myself asking for your help with God’s approval. I will speak what appears to me to be true at the time, but I have lost the confidence I once had that I was capable of speaking anything absolute that is true.
JUDGE: Rest easy, son. We require from you only that you speak honestly from your heart, how you truly feel, and from your mind what you truly think. That is the purpose of the swearing in ritual.
ENK: Thank you, your Honor. I do not expect this to be easy, however, because there are times when my mind and thoughts do not agree with my heart and feelings. Also, sometimes my perceptions are at odds: sometimes my impressions or intuition (which I have learned to rely on heavily) are not the same as -- or rather give me different information than what my eyes, ears, and other senses are delivering. Can you understand my difficulty?
JUDGE: Yes, son, and well spoken. Because we have taken you at your word and understood your dilemma, we accept the task of helping you better understand or integrate the various aspects of your perceptions and judgments and experiences and decisions of which your life is made. We will do our utmost, God willing and helping, to give to you our best thinking and our broadest perspectives.
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