Tuesday, January 6, 1970

First Dream: Lucifer is here!

Event:  22 July 1962
Updated: 12 January 2012



This is my first remembered and recorded dream and it was a nightmare. Below is a Dream Yoga interview of it many years later, which is self-explanatory. (Note: Dream Yoga or Deep Listening is a technique developed by psychotherapist Joseph Dillard. See: www.dreamyoga.com  or www.integraldeeplistening.com.)

Date of interview: July 30 – Dec 3, 2006

What are three fundamental life issues that you are dealing with now in your life?
1. Being authentic
2. Finding others who are or wish to be authentic
3. Helping others be or become authentic

Tell a dream you remember...
(First remembered and recorded dream: July 22, 1962)
I’m in conversation with old friend Cal W [LLNL physicist and personal best friend] and new friend Monte H [president of Livermore LDS Elders Quorum]. Monte says, “I feel that I have acquired new understanding. Things are fine, all is well.”

Suddenly a dark tingling sensation comes over me and the thought flashes into my mind to shout: “Look out brethren, Lucifer is here!” But, before I can utter a sound, I am bound by some black essence and feel myself starting to be dragged down and away into some mysterious, nebulous waste. I look at Cal and try to gain his attention so that he can cast this terrible influence from me, but he pays no attention and continues to talk to Monte. In terror I try to scream his name, but can not produce even a groan. Instead, the blackness engulfs me and I feel myself swirling around and around and down, the vision of my friends fading from view. Several times this swirling, engulfing blackness reoccurs, but never the view of my friends again.

Why do you think that you had this dream?
At the time of this dream I was working as a graduate research assistant (GRA) to Birch Holt at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in Livermore (LLNL), CA during the summer break from graduate school studies at the University of Utah. Before moving temporarily to Livermore for the summer, I had been called into the University of Utah Stake Mission presidency as counselor to Morris A Kjar. I took this position seriously as a believing Mormon. The dream posits my relationship with two local Mormon priesthood holders, one my best friend Cal and the other the local Elders Quorum president. I was in a missionary mode of thinking, believing and behaving.

If it were playing at a theater, what name would be on the marquee?
Lucifer is here!

These are the characters in the dream…
Calvin W, Monte H, Meeting Room, Swirly Thing

If one character had something especially important to tell you, which would it be?
Swirly Thing (ST).

ENK: Swirly Thing (ST), what do you think of my last interview with Joseph Smith Jr.? [Ref: Dialogues with Joseph, Part 1. Annealing and Healing, Appendix, 2006 Salt Lake Sunstone Symposium]

ST: It should be clear to you by now that all was not well in your experience with the local Mormon priesthood way back in 1962. I was trying to get your attention, since you were so obviously asleep. Instead, you became frightened and fought my attempts to alert you to the truth of that situation. Calvin symbolized your personal LDS male friendships. Monte symbolized your relationship to your local priesthood leadership.

ENK: I experienced you as an evil presence, trying to do me in.

ST: I came to alert you to an inauthentic communication from your colleague. I meant you no harm.

ENK: How does that apply to my last interview with Joseph Smith?

ST: It applies to your addiction to the Mormon priesthood that Joseph established. It is not as it claims to be and your colleague did not speak the truth. He was not being authentic and you did not know how to honor or interpret your own very intense and authentic feelings about what he was saying. I was trying to communicate with you, but you were not conscious enough to hear or understand me.

ENK: Well, my friend Joseph Dillard asks me to have you score on the six categories that he presents for evaluating interviews. They are: How would you score yourself 0-10, in confidence, compassion, wisdom, acceptance, peace of mind, and witnessing? Will you do that please?

ST: Happy to oblige. Ten in all categories.

ENNK: Wow! Boy, did I misunderstand you.

ST: You did indeed!

== Dream Yoga interview continued (some redundancy)==

SWIRLY THING, would you please tell me what you look like and what you are doing?
I am a whirlwind and have come to warn and rescue Eugene.

What do you like most about yourself in this experience? What are your Strengths?
I am powerful and focused on my mission to warn and rescue Eugene.

What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses? What?
I do not dislike myself and have no weaknesses. I am able to accomplish what I have been assigned to do.


If you could change this dream in any way you wanted, would you?
No.

If that dream were to continue, what would happen next?
The dream accomplished its purpose in warning Eugene. He did not appear to understand the warning at the time. Eugene will eventually wake up to the more general dangers he is encountering.


SWIRLY THING, if you could be anywhere you wanted to be and take any form you desired, would you change? If so, how?
There is no other form I can conceive of better designed to get Eugene to reflect on the relationships he is making.

SWIRLY THING, what aspect of Eugene do you represent or most closely personify?
Spiritual power.

How would you score yourself 0-10, in confidence, compassion, wisdom, acceptance, peace of mind, and witnessing?
Tens in all categories

How would Eugene’s life be different if he naturally scored high in all six of these qualities all the time?
Greatly different. At the time of the dream he scores 5, 4, 3, 3, 2, and 2 respectively. God only knows how his life would be different if he scored all 10s. Clearly he has lots of awakening to do! But he still has to suffer the consequences of his unconsciousness.

If you could live Eugene’s waking life for him, how would you live it differently?
It is not for me to live Eugene’s waking life. He is due for some rude awakenings over the next 5 years.


If you could live Eugene’s waking life for him today, would you handle his three life issues differently? If so, how?
These are good life issues now. He has had a difficult time coming up with them.

What three life issues would you focus on if you were in charge of his life?
Those listed might be more clearly identified with the six dream yoga quality metrics.

In what life situations would it be most beneficial for Eugene to imagine that they are you and act as you would?
When confronted by overconfidence he should get to know, understand and trust me. I am not the devil.

Why do you think that you are in this dream?
To awaken Eugene to his inflation and overconfidence.


Eugene, what have you heard yourself say?
I am asleep and need to awaken to reality. My relationships with male friends and Mormon priesthood holders are not as authentic as I believed they are.

If this experience were a wake-up call from your soul, what do you think it would be saying to you?
Be alert to the truth of your feelings.

5 comments:

  1. 31 Jul 06

    "ST: It should be clear to you by now that all was not well in your experience with the local Mormon priesthood way back in 1962. I was trying to get your attention, since you were so obviously asleep. Instead, you became frightened and fought my attempts to alert you to the truth of that situation. Calvin symbolized your personal LDS male friendships. Monte symbolized your relationship to your local priesthood leadership."

    This feels on the money to me, EK.

    "EK: How does that apply to my last interview with Joseph Smith?

    "ST: It applies to your addiction to the Mormon priesthood that Joseph established. It is not as it claims to be and your colleague did not speak the truth. He was not being authentic and you did not know how to honor or interpret your own very intense and authentic feelings about what he was saying. I was trying to communicate with you, but you were not conscious enough to hear or understand me."

    Also rings true.

    "EK: Well, my friend JD asks me to have you score on the six categories that he presents for evaluating interviews. They are: How would you score yourself 0-10, in confidence, compassion, wisdom, acceptance, peace of mind, and witnessing? Will you do that please?

    "ST: Happy to oblige. Ten in all categories.

    "EK: Wow! Boy, did I misunderstand you.

    "ST: You did indeed!"

    This is typical of what I have found in many interviews. It tells me that you are doing a good job so far getting into role and staying there. Excellent!
    8:33 PM, December 03, 2006

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  2. From January 2 to May 14, 1964, I experienced a deep depression. During this period I was required to defend my doctoral dissertation. The day before the defense, at Cal's invitation, I made a dry run presentation to his physics department, which was a disaster. Cal was humiliated before his colleagues and of course I appeared to be much the fool. Neither of us understood what was happening, but that event led to the end of our friendship.

    Later, during the evening, I sought a priesthood blessing from T. Bowering Woodbury with Cal's reluctant participation. The blessing was powerful and the next day I successfully defended my dissertation, as the blessing had promised.

    Cal eventually left the Mormon Church.
    2:01 PM, December 04, 2006

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  3. Gene-

    I remember the incident in the Physics Department. I don't recall feeling the feelings you ascribe to me. Perhaps they were conditioned by your sense of depression. I was embarrassed, but for you, not for myself. I didn't understand what was happening within you and felt incapable of saying anything that could help, which was my desire. I don't recall being exasperated with you nor of feeling embarrassed reluctance in anointing you. I have to admit that my recall of details after this long time is not all that great, but I didn't see things through the same filter you were using. If I came across as insensitive and unhelpful I am truly sorry.

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  4. Cal, it means a lot that you would respond to these sentiments at this late date. There is no doubt that my perceptions of your feelings (and anyone else's) during that depression were out of balance and skewed. Forgive me for not giving you a fairer shake. I thought our relationship began to change at this point and I lamented its end the following year following the epiphany I have mentioned elsewhere (see blog post "Priesthood Blessing during Depression", dated Feb 1964 (2/1974 folder).

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  5. On May 4, 2012, Cal came to visit us in Los Alamos and to meet Birgitta. He is now a Methodist Stephen's Minister and is thus trained to listen deeply. We enjoyed getting up to date on our lives.

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